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I recorded a conversation with a friend and I think presenting it in the most direct way would be best. I think this is the main reason why I chose emotions and emotions between people as the theme.
Friend: What do you think is the sense of boundaries?
Why emphasize "boundaries" in emotions?
Me: Perhaps it's because I'm afraid of losing myself because of others?
When thinking about this issue, I instinctively find it troublesome because various problems always arise, regardless of the relationship. I want to maintain the status quo, so I always avoid conflicts. I have become accustomed to living alone and dealing with my affairs and emotions, so when I think about it, I think that being accompanied by others for too long is a burden for me. Being too close to each other is a very terrifying thing.
Friend: In your ideal relationship, there is a sense of distance and boundaries. Everyone has their own space; don't interfere too much with each other, and don't stay together all the time.
Me: It's like this... But when you think about it carefully, it may not be meaningful anymore. Emphasizing personal boundaries in emotions may not be called emotions anymore, but rather like a program.
Friend: That's right. Some people enjoy the feeling of being in a heartbeat, the happiness brought by dopamine, and the concern for someone in life, which is different from parents or friends.
Me: Yes, but I will be afraid. I will subconsciously ponder the feelings of another person. I don't like myself becoming like that, and sometimes I even care about not being able to sleep. I feel like I have lost the focus of life, and I am no longer myself.
Friend: I understand that feeling, but often it's difficult for me to control my thinking, knowing that doing so will torture me. So are you afraid of overly relying on someone, and this process makes you very afraid?
Me: What I'm afraid of is change. The more I care about someone, the more I fear their departure. I am afraid that too many things that I cannot solve will happen, and I don't believe what people say is "forever". If I don't have the initiative in a relationship, it can drive me crazy.